A LOVE LANGUAGE: Words of Affirmation

If your primary love language is Words of Affirmation, then your partner’s appreciation and love are best affirmed to you through words (makes sense, right?). You feel love when your partner tells you how attractive you look or when they say how proud of you they are after you accomplish something. On the flip-side, for people with this as their primary language, insults or negative comments may cut a little deeper.

Words of Affirmation Explained

If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, it’s important that you regularly tell them how much you care.

The whole “they should know how much I love them so I shouldn’t have to say it” approach won’t fly. They need to hear it from you on a consistent basis.

One of the most important aspects of Words of Affirmation, however, is being genuine with those words. People whose primary language is Words of Affirmation care most about the intentions and emotions behind those words. If you are saying things just to say them, your partner will be keen to that. So, don’t fake it!

You don’t need to be Casanova, professing your love from the street below. Be you. Be real. And if you’re not the best at expressing those emotions through words, now may be the best time to practice, especially if your partner has Words of Affirmation as their primary love language.

Examples of Words of Affirmation

• “I just want to let you know how proud of you I am.”

• “You work really hard for us, and even when things may feel tough, I just want you to know how appreciative I am.”

• “I feel so lucky to have you.”

• “I am here if you need me and I want to help support you in any way I can.”

• “You’re doing such a great job. I’m really proud of you.”

• “Wow! You look so good! I really love the new outfit. It looks great on you!”

A Closer Look at the Words of Affirmation Love Language

When it comes to Gary Chapman's five love languages, words of affirmation is the most common love language, edging out quality time and acts of service. It also is the only love language that revolves around verbal expression. To people with this as their primary love language, they feel fulfilled when others show their appreciation for them. What's more, these compliments and words of encouragement do not have to be said directly to the person. A simple note or hand-written letter is appreciated just as much as a personal phone call.

Another interesting fact about people with words of affirmation as their primary love language, is that they tend to be the people who notice and care about the details of other people's lives. For instance, they may be the first to notice their partner's new haircut. They also remember to ask the neighbor how their sick dog is doing. They may even remember to ask the cashier at the local supermarket if she is feeling any better.

Those whose primary love language is words of affirmation are often sensitive and aware of their surroundings. They are the encouragers who know just what to say to make others feel better. And, they are hoping you can do the same for them.

Tips on How to Speak This Love Language

A sweet note laying in the middle of the kitchen counter; a post-it placed in the middle of the mirror; or a favorite poem verse tucked into a suitcase—these examples are just a few of the many different options that speak to a person with words of affirmation as their primary love language. If your partner's primary love language is words of affirmation, you will need to find ways to communicate how much they mean to you. Here are some tips on how to speak this love language to your partner.

Be Authentic

People who have words of affirmation as their primary love language have a nose for B.S. So be sure you are authentic when talking with them. You want to be sure what you're saying to them is coming from the heart, because if you are making stuff up, they will be able to tell.

Be Empathetic

When it comes to words of affirmation, it is crucial that partners realize that you recognize how they are feeling, especially if they are feeling down. Think about what it would be like to walk in their shoes and then demonstrate that you know how they are feeling.

Show Your Appreciation

Usually, people who feel fulfilled by positive words and comments will thrive when people recognize and appreciate what they do. Whether it is how they do the laundry, the meal they cooked for dinner, or the fact that they spent three hours proofing your report, the key is to tell them in no uncertain terms how much you appreciate them. And if you are specific about what you really liked, this will warm their heart and fill their tank. So, don't hold back.

Say "I Love You" A Lot

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation never get tired of hearing "I love you," from the people they care about. While many people often feel like the phrase is overused, a "words of affirmation" person will never get tired of hearing you say it, especially when you find new and creative ways to communicate your love.

Mail Them a Letter

While email is a great way to communicate when you're in a hurry, there is something still special about receiving a love letter in the mail. So, get out a pencil and paper and start writing. Your partner will be so surprised to receive the letter from you. And depending on what you write on the inside could be the beginning of something special. If a letter seems overwhelming, buy them a cute card and write a nice note inside.

Post a Note

Sometimes the best, and most efficient way, to communicate how much you love your partner is to use a post-it note and leave them a little message about how much they mean to you. If you want to get really creative, you could post a number of post-it notes in the shape of a heart or another figure on the bathroom mirror or the window of their car.

Give Them a Shout Out

Make sure you compliment your words of affirmation partner in front of other people. Tell them what makes you proud and what you really appreciate. Don't go overboard and embarrass your partner, but telling others how awesome you think your partner is will touch their heart in so many ways. So, don't be stingy with the compliments.

Point Out Their Strengths

This is especially important when your partner is feeling down or discouraged. Giving them a pep talk and pointing out what you really like about them or what they do well speaks volumes to them. They need to know that you see value in who they are.

Dial It Up

When your partner is going through a tough time, it can be helpful for you to dial up the nice words. Be extra kind and loving while reminding your partner why they are important and what they mean to you. At all times, it is helpful to offer words of encouragement. These steps show them that you are there for them even in the rough patches of their life.

Make Words of Affirmation a Habit

Even if you are not a words of affirmation person, it is a good idea to make words of affirmation a daily habit. Perhaps you can begin each conversation with the pet name you have your partner. For example, you could say "Good morning beautiful" or "How are you sweet pea." These terms of endearment may sound corny, but for a words of affirmation person, they will be special.

Create a List

If you find sharing words of affirmation difficult or if you feel like you do not have a large enough vocabulary, listen for affirming words, and keep lists of them. This exercise will help you build a bank of kind words you can send to your partner. This exercise is especially useful for people that feel like they do not have a large enough vocabulary to come with something new and creative each time.

What to Avoid if This Is Your Partner's Love Language

Because people with this love language find words to be extremely powerful, they also are highly sensitive to negative comments and criticisms. In fact, one harsh word can send people in the words of affirmation camp reeling.

For this reason, people whose primary love language is words of affirmation are often extremely wounded and hurt by gaslighting, narcissistic people, and emotional abuse. Negative words, accusations, and criticisms are like daggers to their heart. Here are some other things to avoid doing if your partner's primary love language is words of affirmation:

• Don't assume there is a perfect quote for every one of life's situations.

• Don't try to take shortcuts in expressing love to them; they can tell when you're faking it.

• Don't be mean or hurtful with your words; they take them to heart.

• Don't make fun of them or tease them too intensely; they are sensitive.

• Don't be overly critical or condescending; they interpret this as being dumb or stupid.

• Don't withhold kind words as a punishment.

• Don't try to manipulate them with words or hit below the belt.

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