FIRSTLY, let's discover your love language:
1. What if I cannot discover my primary love language?
Here are three approaches to discovering your love language (as depicted by the 5 Love Languages book).
First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.
What do you complain about most often? When you say to your spouse, “I don’t think you would ever touch me if I did not initiate it,” you are revealing that Physical Touch is your love language. When your spouse goes on a business trip and you say, “You didn’t bring me anything?” you are indicating that Receiving Gifts is your language. The statement, “We don’t ever spend time together,” indicates the love language of Quality Time. Your complaints reveal your inner desires. (If you have difficulty remembering what you complain about most often, I suggest that you ask your spouse. Chances are they will know.)
What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expresses your desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)
2. What if I cannot discover my spouse’s love language?
I would suggest you answer the three questions discussed above.
• How does he most often express love to others? • What does he complain about most often? • What does he request most often?
Though our spouse’s complaints normally irritate us, they are actually giving us valuable information. If a spouse says, “We don’t ever spend any time together,” you may be tempted to say, “What do you mean? We went out to dinner Thursday night.” Such a defensive statement will end the conversation. However, if you respond, “What would you like for us to do?” you will likely get an answer. The complaints of your spouse are the most powerful indicators of the primary love language.
Here is a link to do the 5 love languages online quiz if you are struggling: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
3. Does your love language change as you get older?
I think that our primary love language tends to stay with us for a lifetime. It is like many other personality traits that develop early and remain consistent. For example, a highly organized person was likely organized as a child. A person who is more laid-back and relaxed likely had that trait as a child. This is true of numerous personality traits.
SO, you just answered the questions above and either your or your spouses' love language is PHYSICAL TOUCH?
Here are different ways to show intimate love through physical touch:
Kissing—Kissing is one of the easiest, most effective ways to show physical love to your partner. You can kiss their lips, their neck, their cheek, their forehead, their hand. In many cultures and throughout history, kissing is or has been shown as an act of respect, greeting, or affection. Kissing is used in all different types of relationships, romantic and non-romantic, and should be prioritized.
Holding hands—Who doesn’t love seeing a couple walking hand-in-hand down the street? Holding hands with your partner, in public or in private, is an easy gesture that can immediately release mood-boosting endorphins. Parents often hold their child’s hand for protective reasons, but also for physical connectedness. It is one of the best ways to show physical love to your partner.
Cuddling—Do you cuddle with your partner when you’re watching a movie? When you’re laying in bed? If you don’t, you should. Physically wrapping yourself around your partner can bring you closer together, physically and emotionally. Your partner may prefer being the “big” or “little” spoon, but try swapping roles or facing each other and seeing how that feels.
Skin-to-skin touching—Touching can be non-sexual and still intimate. Dragging your fingertips across your partner’s back or neck can be an intimate expression of love. Touching your partner’s hair, holding the back of their neck, or even touching their bare leg can be an expressive way of telling your partner you’re there for them, you’re physically attracted to them, and/or you’re in love with them.
Body language is just as expressive as verbal language and if your love language is physical touch, then body language can be just as important.
Tune in for the next part, where we will be discussing "Words of Affirmation" and Why Love Languages are Important.
Here is a link to follow up on long-distance physical touch https://www.verywellmind.com/physical-touch-love-language-4797513
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